excuse me, i'm a photographer (oh really?)

If there is something I'd REALLY like my guests to do at my wedding, it'd be to get the heck out of my official photographers and videographers' way.

I've read somewhere that that a pesky relative or two (or a few) who won't stop taking pictures and videos at your wedding and is always getting in the way of your official photographers and videographers is known as good old "Uncle Bob"

There are a few references to "Uncle Bob" but I think the relevant one in this case is:

(Source: Urban Dictionary)

Something like that lah. For me, it includes all the people who get in the way of official photographers and videographers ah, and uses all kinds of gadgets to get their shots, not just those who come toting an SLR and act macam they're the official people.

Ok, ok, I know times have changed, social media is here to stay and there is nothing we can do to stop people from feeling empowered with their iPhones and iPads and Samsung gadgets. Concerts, gigs, public gatherings and whathaveyous no longer look the same way as it did a few years ago. If you don't get what I mean... well, this is what I mean:

I still remember attending Jessie J's concert in Singapore and at one point of time during her concert she actually asked everyone to put down their iPhones, iPads and cameras for one minute so she can truly take in everyone's beaming happy faces instead of seeing a sea of beaming gadgets staring back at her. Felt and looked really nice, actually.

Now don't get me wrong - I am a big supporter and ardent user of social media... but some people really take it to the extremes and I just wish there's a balance to it, you know?

(I hate the extremities that some people exhibit on social media ok! For example, "Oh! I'm in the toilet shitting now... why does my shit look like it's turning yellow?" WTF dude, was that really necessary? And then there are morons who take pictures of their (or their brother's sister's mother's father's) bloody bernana wounds, post it on social media and shock the shit out of unsuspecting people who scroll down their timeline. Disgusting. If I really wanted to see bloody bernana wounds, I'd search for "bloody wounds with pus" on Google Images, dickhead.

OH, let's not forget the insensitive idiots who take pictures of blood and gore and severed limbs of accident victims. Damn disrespectful to the victims and their families and damn unfair to people who didn't get a disclaimer beforehand and had to accidentally see such scenes when all they did was scroll down their social media timeslines expecting pictures of yummy food, cute children and beautiful travel snapshots.

And have you guys seen all the sexual-related nonsense that people put up on social media nowadays??? Pictures of 13/14-year-olds posing in budget hotel rooms and asking tak perlu questions like "Guess where?!", pictures of girls with semen on their faces (!!!), screenshots of people describing their sexual conquests IN DETAIL SEGALA (!!!!!). It's RIDICULOUS. I'm not one to judge such actions but nak buat, diam diam sudahlah. Kau nak cakap "it's between kau and God"? Then keep your conquests between kau and God jugak ah, how about? Tak dapat duit pun kalau kau share on social media kan.

Oh, and please. Do not get me started on the extreme derpness that social media brings out in the open eh. For example, "Cupcakes at $3 each!" "Salam sis, how much are your cupcakes?" "Good food here! *tags Charisma D'Venue*" "Hey, where is this?" LAGI WTF)

..............................

Ok ok I know I dah lama terbabas dan terpesong so let us all kebelakang pusing to the main topic now, shall we. Hahahahaha.

Asssss I was saying - there is nothing wrong with using social media during happy share-worthy occasions like weddings, I feel, as long as there is a right balance to it! I usually try to wait until the official photographers and videographers have gotten their shots of significant moments whenever I'm at weddings - never mind if that exact special moment has passed by the time I get to take a shot with my grimy old iPhone.

After all, I'm not the one the newly wedded couple is paying thousands of dollars to capture all their special moments right? I'm not the one equipped with the latest camera and video gadgets that comes with the best technology and I'm not the one armed with the skill and expertise worthy of taking beautiful pictures of such special moments (Even if I was, it is not fair to "take the job away" from the official photographers and videographers, you know?)

But it frustrates me when others don't do the same, and it beats the purpose out of me trying to get out of the way - me alone (and others who feel the same way as me) will not make a difference if the official photographers and videographers have to wrestle with ten other people who don't share the same sentiment.

This also explains why I upload pictures of wedding food, favours or photobooth pictures instead of the couple when I do go to weddings - I don't want to interfere with the official photographers and videographers' work and sometimes I cannot get a good shot with or of the couple so I just let it be that way. It's not a 'do or die' so why compete with the official people who are more skilled and more knowledgeable than you?

(Of course there is another group of derp people who mati mati compete with the official photographers and videographers pastu ambik gambar tak cantik pun!!! Even worse, dahlah ambik gambar tak cantik, mati mati jugak nak upload gambar pengantin tengah ternganga, terkelip mata, gambar gambar yang blur bacin, gambar nampak bulu hidung semua on Facebook or Instagram and caption it "Selamat Pengantin Baru!" Macam tak bersalah gitu, please!  Seriously apa masalah korang ni sekarang.

This is actually one of the reasons why my mamat and I are having problems deciding on our official wedding hashtag ok - he is championing #kahwinkhronicles because that's the hashtag that we've been using when we upload wedding-related stuff and preparations on Instagram but I'm against it because I don't want our beautiful feed of nicely edited pictures to be ruined by other people!!!

Look. We love our friends and family very much, oh yes we do, and we don't judge them when they upload badly edited pictures or blurred pictures or pictures with bad angles. But we have to cross the line when it comes to potential bad pictures spoiling our own hashtagged collection that we've built up for the past 1+ years, right??? Someone - my sister, I think - told me that I should let my mat have his way with this because good pictures or bad pictures, that's the whole idea of sharing our wedding with our loved ones, right? Adds "flavour" to the collection lah konon or something tacky like that haha)

Haiz. But that aside, just wanted to share some examples of how overzealous relatives and friends can ruin potentially great shots of special moments when they compete to capture them on their own gadgets during weddings!

(Check out the solemnizer looking angrily at the offending guest in the last picture. Nampak macam dia tengah telling the guest "Oi! Sekarang jugak kau nak blocking photographer pe?!" hahahahaha)

Some articles penned about this issue:

Wedding Inspiration Unplugged

How to Enforce An Unplugged Wedding

The Unplugged Wedding

I've seen way too many pictures of local Malay weddings yang ada this Uncle Bob, or maybe in our case, Pakcik Bob (haha) - I wish I can share samples but I wouldn't want to point such things out from orang lain punya majlis. All I can say is I've seen one too many pictures of what could potentially be a very sweet and touching moment getting ruined by Pakcik Bob dan kuncu kuncunya ok.

Example No.1: I've seen a picture of a newly wedded couple on their dais lovingly staring at each other eyes - the lighting was great, the couple looked genuinely happy, the colours of their surroundings looked vibrant... PASTU KAT BELAKANG ADA PAKCIK ON THE FREAKING PELAMIN TENGAH AMBIK GAMBAR DORANG USING AN IPAD EH.

If it wasn't bad enough he was dressed in shabby polo shirt and had unkempt long hair. 

*baulks*

Apa ni???!!! Spoils the beautiful shot tau!

It was especially bad because he was using an iPad!!!!! I don't know why lah but I hold special hatred for people who block other people's view by taking pictures on iPads ok. It's like... kiwak, itu iPad besar sak. Blocking sak. Asal tak block pakai TV je. Periuk ke.

Oh, and as if it wasn't enough, there was an aspiring young Uncle Bob on the right side of the pelamin, lurking behind the pengantin perempuan's head grinning away like an idiot while watching the moment getting recorded on his videocam too!!! WAH SO DAMN PLEASED WITH YOUR FOOTAGE AH NOW. CAN MAKE VIDEO LIKE RIZAL AMIR KHAN ALREADY LAH NOW. CAN SHOOT MUSIC VIDEO FOR TAYLOR SWIFT AH NOW.

Example No.2: Few months ago, I saw a very nice picture of the tok kadi, the groom, the wali and the two witnesses seated at a table, smiling and laughing while they shared a light-hearted moment. Again, picture was beautifully shot to capture the moment - and AGAIN, THERE WAS A PAKCIK BOB. In shabby polo tee and pants. Lurking at the back. Smirking at the screen of his iPad. Probably goddamn pleased with himself for catching a picture of the moment so he can share it on Facebook with all his pakcik friends.

Kalau aku pengantin tu, aku will be upset gila sak if nampak that kind of official shot.

And yes, I know the official photographers and videographers ada mulut ada suara, boleh tell all the Pakcik Bobs to stay out of the frame for awhile so they can get a good shot. But what about those split second moments when the sun rays come in to give a quick special glow or stolen glances that last only a few seconds? Some moments are just not meant to be replicated, you know. Plus! I think most of them try not to "offend" family and friends during such occasions so they will just let it be and try to get as many good shots as they can from various angles. Pffttttt. The official photographers and videographers are the ones who should be offended by family and friends who do not respect their role and position during the wedding eh, not the other way around!!! ANGRY NI.

I know and I do realize that we will not have any control over what the crowd will do during the receptions come November, but what we plan to do is:

(1) explicitly tell Bliss Photocinema and CST Singapore about this concern - I'm sure they're experienced and skilled enough to know how to deal with such situations!

(2) inform our orang orang kuat that they have our permission to remind guests who are blocking the official photographers and videographers to give way for a short while; and

(3) print out a nice message seeking our guests' understanding to respect and give way to our official photographers and videographers on a A3 foam board, place it near the entrance and hope our guests will take the time and effort to understand and adhere to what is stated on the board. Paham tak paham, ikut tak ikut, at least we attempt.

Ni bukan tak kasi ambik gambar at the reception tau. Nak ambik gambar memang boleh. Nak upload Facebook, Twitter, Instagram semua lagi boleh. We'd like to see the wedding in the eyes (or in this case, lens) of our loved ones too! Tapi favour ah, jangan block the official photographers and videographers, please. Let them do their jobs first! Once dorang habis taking their shots, they'll move out of the way for you all punya.

And please don't cakap that our official photographers and videographers menyebok when they stand or squat in front of you to get good angles when taking official pictures ok. Siapa yang cakap gitu memang asking for my siku seven.